Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
