He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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