so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
