my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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