I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
