i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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