the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
