Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
