Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
