This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
