I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
