My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
