You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
