I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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