Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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