pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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