i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
