i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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