hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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