I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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