Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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