I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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