There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
