Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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