Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
