I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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