that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
