It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
