She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
