Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
