i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
