dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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