Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
