ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
