it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
