Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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