I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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