Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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