I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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