Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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