I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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