please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
