Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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