He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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