Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
