Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
