Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Houston, we have a squirter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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