Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
