Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
