Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
