ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
