apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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