Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
