butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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