I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
