then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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