Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We don't watch enough power rangers
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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