I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
