I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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