Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
