Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
