I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize