i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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