I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
