Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
