and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
