for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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