I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
