He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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