It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
