Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
