you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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