What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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