Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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