People with herpes should wear stickers.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
