guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
