did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
